|tiny droplets of emotion.
||[Apr. 25th, 2015|05:59 pm]
my entire life imploded, and not because of anything in particular but apparently if you don't care about yourself, it does that. i have to choose a way of life now, but it's so hard to decide. i can't keep being a bit of everything, and feeling like nothing. everyone gives in to something. but nothing truly and deeply makes sense for me to go enough into it. i can't truly belong/believe in anything (because i don't believe in myself... blah blah whatever blah.) i'd like to know how everyone else manages, somehow, out there. even if they struggle, they manage to get somewhere, somehow. even slowly and with small steps. i feel like my whole life i've known the answers and found things out, so i have all the knowledge i need. however, the truth hurts. in finding out, i've been protecting myself from the pain, coping to just get on with things and push through. and now i have to deal with that pain, because of that one final blow that finished me. how do you even start dealing with a whole life of pain? i've tried many things but i still feel it's hideously unsatisfactory.|